I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize