I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
