does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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