So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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