i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
