The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
