I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
