I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
