By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize