Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
