My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
