you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
