his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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