new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
