and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
