so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
