this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
