We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
