it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
