let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
