God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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