I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
