i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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