Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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