if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
