I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
