Apparently you make a good broom.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
