have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
