She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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