hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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