You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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