too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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