she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
