WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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