I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
