He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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