The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
