Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
