It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
