Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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