I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
