Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
