No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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