i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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