the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
