please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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