Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
