Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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