What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
