Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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