I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
