I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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