if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
