The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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