This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
