Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
