i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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