Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
