she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize