That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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