Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They are going to name an STD after you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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