So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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