If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
