my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
