A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He felt like a one man threesome
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
