FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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