at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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