addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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