Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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