Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
