I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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