I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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