don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
