At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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