Only a mothe r could love this liver
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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