I hate your face
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cut my penus on the lid.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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